Wanting You.

They say you are your own worst enemy, and I guess that's true with all the self sabotaging I've been meting out to myself.

Over the past days, your thoughts have dominated my every thinking. I would think of you and feel this immense joy at having met you and having known you for as long as I have. I would think of all the fun that we've had, and what we've been through. The ups and downs. Everything.

I know ours hasn't been the smoothest of roads, yes, there was a time we barely spoke( I think for 2 years) eventhough we saw each other from a distance(not from lack of trying to avoid you on my part).

But we are reconnected now, and I'm here hoping and praying that things are better this time around. That what we had those years ago would atone for something, will serve as a stepping stone for us to build something stoic and purposeful. Something more beautiful. Something that lasts for eternity.

Most times, I catch myself smiling; remembering things we used to do and say, and I catch myself wanting all of that back, and then some.

Of course, there's all that thought that creeps up on me, when I least expect, asking the very obvious question ''What if he has someone else? What you gon do?''. Honestly,I have not been able to answer that, and I'm sacred to even think of thinking of an answer.
Then all these go to mess my mood, and I'm left with more questions than I'd even admit to having.

And I'm scared to ask you, cause you might just say there is someone else. And that, my lovely sweet is what I dread the most.

xo