On Being The First Born

I am the first of five children. How God made me the first born, is only know to Him. Being the first born in your family exerts all sorts of pressure on you, whether it's wanted or not. Whether you like it or yes, you have to deal with it. I never wanted to be the first born, no freaking way, but I am, and I have got to suck it up, and live to 'expectations'. Yes, I hate hate that word- expectations. I'm getting all sorts of panic attacks just typing it out.

In our society, once a person comes out of their mother's womb as the first child, and your parents are blessed with other children after you, your work is cut out for you. If you are a single child then of course, this ain't for you. This is my ode to first borns' out there. I know you all are doing what is expected of you and denying yourself those things that you may/ or may not need. For those of you that don't know, let me lay it out for you:

As the first born, with siblings behind you, a lot of the things that you do, you ALWAYS have to factor in what I call the 'rippling effect'. What I mean by this is, whatever choices or decisions you make, you should be aware of the fact that your siblings are looking up to you, and they would definitely emulate what you do. Regardless they say you should do what makes you happy, as a first born, you are excluded from that. Of course, sometimes you have to say 'f*k it, imma do me' just to feel a little bit alive, but if you know what you are about, or what you wish for yourself ,and your family, you would still reconsider the rippling effect.

As a first-born, you are expected(again, panicking over here), to set the best examples possible for the young ones behind you. Which goes without saying , it's a lot of pressure to deal with.

The fact that we get blamed for every little thing that goes wrong in your house is another shtick that we have to deal with. You get blamed for what your young ones do, not fair right? 

Automatically, you become the parent once your parents are not home. You have to make split decisions, if you have trouble-making siblings like the one that's in my house; always causing me headaches and hoarse voice. You have to make sure that they eat, bathe, and go to sleep at the times they are supposed to.

When it comes to academics, you have to pave the way. In African households, it is believed that if the first born is successful in school, automatically, the others following would be motivated to give their all, so as not to be the 'dumb' one. Talk about pressure!

When you are the first born, and a female at the same time, boy is your work cut out for you. A female has more 'restrictions' when it comes to being the first child of her family. She has to be more composed, more humble, more respectful, more soft spoken. She has to be able to do most, if not all household chores by a particular age. She has to set 'morally right examples' for her other siblings, especially if there are other females following her. In an African household, a female first born has to be able to cook, clean, and keep a house before she hits puberty, or just after puberty, if not, you would not in anyway be considered a woman; your parents wouldn't even allow you to get to that point when you would be a 'disgrace' to them shaa.

Not that its easy for the male first borns either, not trying to take anything away from them, no. But comparing, society is more lenient on them when it comes to so many things; the excuse being, they are boys, and boys will continue to be boys.

A first born is expected to be a perfectionist, based on the assumption that your parents took time to groom you and teach you whats right and whats not. Sometimes, we do disappoint though, we do.

Being responsible(very very relative here) is something that is expected of off you as a first born. 

But, we do have our moments. Like when you are allowed to choose the presents first; you get to pick the biggest.

Also, you have your own comedy actors to spice up your day once you get bored(I just call my younger brother, who is in 6th grade and listen to him talk, that young man is very funny, and intelligent, sometimes a little coocoo).

But most importantly, you get to experience the feeling of pure undulating love that no one can describe. The bond that is created between siblings transcends every other love, except a mother's love, of course. I love being a first born, regardless, of the number of times I 'URGH' or scream or give my siblings 'the look of death', I still love being their big sister!


xo